This past summer, my wife and I hosted a gathering in the backyard of our house for the members of our small church. I was setting up tables and chairs, tents and string lights, and lots of lawn games. Our neighbor behind us, a lovely woman in her sixties who has a clear view of our entire yard, saw me setting up and called me over. She asked me what I was preparing for. I told her that my church members were coming over to share a meal. We chatted for a little while, and then she surprised me by offering to lend us their cornhole lawn game—a gorgeous wooden handmade one. I don’t really know this neighbor at all. This gesture of kindness from her really blessed me. Up to that point, I didn’t have any impressions of her, either positive or negative. But after her simple act of kindness, she won me.
This is the power of blessing.
When someone does something or says something thoughtful, it softens us. It makes us feel noticed and loved. To say it plainly, it causes us to feel more connected to the person. They suddenly are put in a category of our minds as a person who not only cares for people but cares for us personally. It naturally makes us more fond of them.
Motives matter
Now, it must be said, this principle of relationship, sadly, can be exploited. We’ve all experienced someone saying wonderfully kind things to us, only to realize later it was flattery to get us to do something they wanted. Blessings can be given with a very wrong motive to manipulate us to do something—or to buy something. This kind of flawed blessing, when discovered that its motive is selfish, causes us to not trust the person. In fact, we may push away from the person as far as we can. We should always be careful that our efforts to bless others come from a genuine heart.
Called to bless
The word “blessing” is one of the most overused words in the English language. It has taken on a generic meaning of anything that we experience that is good or nice. It could be a breeze, an extra scoop of ice cream, a parking spot that opens up, a surprise tax refund, a dozen friends helping us move, somebody who helps us change a flat tire, a handwritten note of encouragement, or a neighbor who clears our driveway with his snowblower. These are things we might describe as blessings. And they are! What I want to focus on, however, is not the blessings we receive but the ones we give.
Do not repay evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary, bless, for to this you were called, that you may obtain a blessing. 1 Peter 3:9
It is our calling to bless people. This is the way of Jesus who went about doing good everywhere He went. He healed people, He spoke words of hope, He set them free from oppression, He gave the gift of quality time and careful listening. The ultimate blessing was the giving of His own life on the cross as payment for our sins. We are called to follow in the footsteps of our Master and bless people around us.
Blessing the unchurched
We should especially bless those who are members of the household of faith, as Scripture encourages. But, we should also be earnest in finding ways to bless people who are outside the walls of the church, people who may have very little experience of God’s love. Since these letters are about our mission to reach people who aren’t Christian, I’ll focus on that. Think about those in your relationship spheres at work, in the neighborhood, your extended family, and so on. What can you do to bless someone? Often, we bless people spontaneously. For example, we might share with them an encouraging word, wash a stack of their dirty dishes, or give them a warm hug. That’s great. But try thinking in advance of ways to bless someone. It might be a helpful exercise to list ten people you see regularly and come up with one blessing idea for each.
The shapes of blessing
There are so many ways to bless people. I recently read a short book called Surprise the World by Michael Frost—so good! He lays out three basic ways to bless people:
Gifts
Words
Acts
Gifts
Gifts that really touch people are usually generous or thoughtful, or both. We’ve all received gifts that we didn’t want or need. We’ve received gifts that revealed that the giver didn’t realize we weren’t five years old anymore but twelve. We may have received the classic “regift” (the gift the giver once received that he or she didn’t want so decided to wrap it and give to us). Or how about the gift that is obvious they picked it up at CVS three minutes before arriving at our house. We still have some appreciation for these gifts, but the ones that make an impression are the ones that took the giver generous time or money to make happen.
Words
Words, especially timely words, can really bless someone. We have to, however, be careful not to give words to people that aren’t true. This is a disingenuous blessing. The blessing of words that God adorns is, first of all, true. In other words, don’t tell your neighbor who screams at his kids all the time that he is a wonderful example of a father for all of us. That’s not a true blessing. Instead, notice things that people do that Jesus Himself would encourage. For example, you could tell a neighbor how much you appreciate the beautiful garden they have. You can point out how perceptive someone is or how they always seem to find a solution for problems. Call out the things that make a person unique. Tell people specific ways that they add value to the company, to the team, to your life. This kind of honest blessing of words can be life-giving in a world that so often tears people down. Words can be given face-to-face, through an email or text, in a comment you make on someone’s social media post, or a handwritten letter. Some have even done it in a song. What can you say to bless someone this week?
Acts
Acts of kindness are things we do for others that cost us our time. It’s when we see a neighbor struggling to bag her leaves and we go help her. It’s when we know our fellow students are in the studio late at night preparing for a final project and we bring them a box of assorted tacos. It’s bringing a home cooked meal for a coworker who just had a baby. It’s babysitting someone’s kids so they can get some Christmas shopping done. Acts of kindness don’t need to be dramatic. We don’t need a special anointing from God to do them. We don’t need to have a special talent. They are simple, thoughtful efforts to make someone’s life easier. It could be as simple as doing something to make them smile.
Getting ideas
The best way to stir ideas on how to bless people is to, first of all, pray for them. When we pray consistently for people, ideas to bless them naturally emerge. The second important thing to do to figure out ways to bless people is to just spend time with them. It’s hard to think of ways to bless a person we aren’t around. But when we are with people, we always discover the needs that they have.
Follow-through
Once we have a good idea of how to bless someone—we must follow through. I confess I have had thousands of really good ideas of ways to bless people that I never did anything about. Ideas and inspiration are the starting point, but then we must put them into action. Maybe you have some tricks to help you turn ideas into actions. I’ve found that it helps to announce to my wife something I plan to do. Wanting to be a man of my word, I feel committed to follow through. In fact, if I don’t do what I said I was going to do she would likely call me out on it—“Hey, I thought you were going to give your acoustic guitar to Larry?” Another way that helps me to follow through is to write it down on a list or a stickie note. Or, I send myself an email and keep it in my inbox until I do it (this only works if you keep your inbox updated).
Now, go bless someone!