Since I was born in 1967 there has been a massive shift in culture in how people think about the practice of homosexuality. When I was a kid in school I don’t recall any peers being openly gay. In fact, the word “gay” and “homo” and “fag” were frequently used in teen language as a way to demean peers. In this atmosphere no one dared admit same-sex attraction.
Over the past 50+ years more and more people have gone public with their stories of same-sex attraction. It started mainly with famous artists and Hollywood celebrities coming “out of the closet.” Many of the stories told of the enormous suffering they’ve experienced having to suppress feelings, or, if they were open about their same-sex attraction, the abuse they received from people. These stories elicited widespread sympathy in society and a desire to protect and support the gay community in tangible ways.
At large, the Christian community was not prepared for this seismic shift in society. Many “took their stand” against the movement in culture to normalize homosexuality. They condemned the practice and shamed anyone who had same-sex attraction. The Church gained a reputation for being intolerant, hateful, and unsympathetic. Many people in society started viewing Christians as oppressors and bullies. Christians were viewed as part of the problem holding back human flourishing.
Not surprisingly, some churches started waving the rainbow flag in support of the gay community. Openly gay ministers emerged. Entire denominations were split over the issue. It was, and still is, pretty ugly in the ways this issue tears churches apart.
I believe this is the single greatest challenge to promoting the Gospel in this generation. Those who are under 30 experience raging cultural pressure to conform. It’s almost like there’s an ongoing gay pride parade in society that everyone, whether gay or straight, is joining. The parade is a powerful symbol of a better humanity. Anyone unwilling to join the parade is viewed with disdain.
It puts the follower of Jesus in quite a conundrum because, on one hand, we want to be winsome and, on the other hand, we want to be truthful. It seems like if we revealed to people our orthodox views of sexuality—they would surely “cancel” us! In other words, they would want nothing to do with us and our faith.
This problem isn’t going away. I think most of us tend to avoid the topic as much as possible. Even ministers rarely preach or write about it because it’s such a volatile issue. But the fact remains that many people in society will not even consider the Christian faith because of its lack of support for homosexuality. The Bible is misconstrued as a book filled with archaic ideas that oppress women, gays, other religions, and so on. This problem varies in intensity based on geographic location. I pastor in progressive Providence, Rhode Island, and to be openly disapproving of the LGBTQ+ community can result in being viewed as a terrible human being.
My intention in this piece is not to defend the orthodox Christian view of sexuality and marriage. The Scriptures are quite clear that God’s design is for sex and marriage to be enjoyed between a man and a woman. The Bible, in fact, calls same-sex attraction “unnatural” (Rom 1). Homosexuality is listed amongst the sins that keep us out of the kingdom of God (1 Cor 6:9, 10). There is no support anywhere in the entire Bible for the practice of homosexuality.
The dissonance between what the Bible teaches and what “enlightened” society is saying is so dramatic that it has become a grueling test for Christians. The temptation is enormous to succumb to cultural sexual norms. I’ve watched more and more Christians cave to the pressure and depart from orthodox Christianity so they can fit into society better. Many Christians who aren’t willing to compromise the truth simply stay very quiet about this subject lest they lose favor with secular people.
I don’t think it’s wise to lead with this topic. Our mission is not to go into all the world and condemn homosexuality. It is to proclaim the good news about Jesus! John 3:17 tells us Jesus came into the world not to condemn the world but to save people. We should lead people to Christ first, and then, with the help of the Holy Spirit, they can begin the process of deconstructing and rebuilding their sexual ethics. To begin with conversations about sexuality will result in arguments, and many people will instantly tune us out.
But, again, the orthodox Christian view of sexuality is a major stumbling block for many secular people that needs to be worked through. It’s important for Christians to be equipped to answer questions thoughtfully and compassionately. I’ll leave you with a few guidelines in handling this delicate issue.
Don’t get caught up in the contentious debate over whether people are “born that way” or not. It’s not helpful. I don’t think it’s a black and white issue anyhow. Some people develop curiosity in same-sex attraction at some point in life. Others have confused sexual attraction because they were molested at a young age by someone of the same sex. Still others seem to be born with a bend toward same-sex attraction. Some Christians are afraid to admit that some people may be born with this tendency because the gay community argues that they should not have to suppress the way God made them. But the fact is that all human beings are born with all kinds of sinful tendencies that must be denied. That’s why we need a Savior!
Related to this I don’t think it’s wise to tell people that Jesus will change their same-sex attraction and give them an attraction for the opposite sex. Now, this does happen to many, but I don’t see any specific promise in Scripture regarding this. The desires of our sinful nature may diminish but never fully disappear until we see Christ face to face in the next life. Christians are no longer dominated by sin, but they still have to fight desires of lust, anger, pride, covetousness, and so on.
Another unwise battle to involve ourselves in is opposing the legalization of gay marriage. The culture war to define marriage as only between a man and a woman has not helped the gospel flourish in society. It has only made secular people angry and further hurt the gay community. If two people of the same sex want to devote their lives to each other and call it marriage I’m just not sure how it’s helpful to try to make that illegal. I’m not saying we should agree with them, but God has given people freedom to choose how they live. I think it’s best to respect people’s freedom to choose just like we should respect a person’s right to believe another religion or to be an atheist or whatever.
I like to imagine how Jesus would treat the gay community if he walked amongst us in 2021. Jesus had scathing words toward the religious hypocrites but was friends with sinners and prostitutes. He would not be afraid of being a friend of someone gay. Jesus is described (John 1) as being full of grace and truth. He would love and accept a person who is gay without affirming or encouraging the practice of sin. Jesus had deep compassion for people living lifestyles He disapproved of.
A perfect example of this is the story of the woman caught in adultery. The religious men of the town caught the woman and dragged her publicly to Jesus and wanted to stone her to death for her disgusting and repulsive sins. The angry mob had stones in hand ready to punish the woman. It’s a picture of how some self-righteous religious people view the gay community today. They look upon the homosexual with disdain. But Jesus does not join in with the religious crowd’s desire to stone the woman. Instead, He cleverly tells the angry men, “Let him who is without sin cast the first stone.” One by one the men dropped their stones and walked away. Jesus did not condemn the woman. In fact, he defended and protected her. The last thing he said to her though was, “Go sin no more.” It’s a perfect balance of love and truth. And that’s what we should have.
People, especially the younger generation, are really confused. Suicide rates are increasing. Young people are dealing with unprecedented anxiety and depression. They are being indoctrinated in a new sexual ethic that has become utterly normalized through steady streams of content on the screens they gaze at all day. It is reinforced in school and often by parents. What makes this problem so challenging is that sexuality has become a person’s identity. So to not support someone’s sexual practice is equated to attacking their identity as human beings. This calls for great wisdom, sensitivity, and compassion.
Because I am in Providence, I have had many opportunities through the years to talk with people who identify as gay. Many of them are lovely creative people. They are artists and schoolteachers, parents and business owners. They make wonderful contributions to society. I enjoy their company. Probably because I genuinely like them, many have felt comfortable opening up to me about their sexuality. They want to know what I think—even though they already know what I believe, in most cases.
What I’ve explained to many is that I believe with all my heart that the Scriptures are the Word of God. And that I strive to have integrity in interpreting the Scriptures. In other words, I never want to be dishonest in how I handle the Bible so that I can fit in better with the culture. I explain that the Bible’s view of sexuality is counterculture. But I also tell them that it’s really really hard for me to hold onto this truth because I know that it can seem hurtful to my gay friends. I tell them I don’t want to hurt anyone. I’m pretty sure that they can see love in my eyes.
What happens is that they understand me at that moment. They understand that I’m for them, not against them. They understand that I’m trying to be loyal to God. They understand that my concern for them is genuine. They understand that I can’t encourage them to practice something that I believe to be a sin that could separate them from God.
While there may be a place to contend for biblical sexual ethics I think the gay community needs to first understand our hearts. When they realize that our concern for them is genuine they begin to hear our words about Christ. They begin to see Jesus. Sometimes it feels like an impossible thing to even suggest that a gay person would turn away from their lifestyle and conform to the strict sexual ethics of the Bible. But when someone encounters Christ—everything changes. Their identity is in Christ. Their satisfaction is in Christ. Their affections are in Christ.
In the last 2000 years, followers of Jesus have given up greater things than the practice of homosexuality. Many have been disowned by their families or cut off from society. Countless followers of Jesus have been tortured, imprisoned, and killed. The first century Christians were socially marginalized and suffered violent persecution. There’s a cost to following Jesus. We must crucify our passions and desires. But when we are in love with Christ, it is our joy to lay down our all to Him. Even if we have to deny same-sex attraction our whole lives and never marry, it is a light and momentary affliction in light of eternity.