Today’s guest contributor is one of my close friends, John Michaelson. He came to Providence many years ago and established a thriving ministry at Brown University while also serving Ren Church in a variety of leadership capacities. He and his lovely wife Lynne have two beautiful children, Grace and Sam. John is now on staff at our church helping me with pastoral work. Here’s his note.
My journey of the 100 Days of Pursuit started a couple months earlier when I was diagnosed with stage 4 neuroendocrine cancer. The last couple months of 2020, I was just trying to process my present and future. My thoughts, prayers, Bible study, and conversations were focused on getting through depressing, painful test results and treatments. We never lost the hope of God's divine healing... but it wasn’t coming quickly enough. It was a trying time... and tiring.
Coming into January, I was ready for a change. I would keep asking for prayer and go through the treatments, but I needed something else to help anchor my own prayers and walk with Jesus. These 100 Days have been my life-line. I’m not one who sticks with these types of things for long periods of time but I have stayed consistent almost every day. The daily scriptures and stories mixed with authenticity, compassion and challenges move my mind off of me and on to God's greater things (along with His thoughts and hopes for me). It has moved my prayers on to others. My Bible reading has been richer. This 100 Days has also been a focus of conversation with my wife and our weekly small group.
Nothing dramatic has happened yet... I’m still in treatment (which is going well) and praying for God’s healing. I do allow myself to daydream of loftier things, but my new normal is focusing on the day-to-day walk with Jesus, reminding myself to be grateful and having hope in the “land of the living” (Psalm 27:13). John M
John’s cancer diagnosis hit our church particularly hard because John is so well known and loved. I remember going to visit John not too long after he found out about the cancer to “minister to him.” I asked him if he was worried and with such calmness he said, “No, not really. I just don’t worry about bigger things like that.” So, he ended up ministering to me! I’m in awe of John’s faith even in trying times. The line that touched me most in John’s note is when he was sharing how the Lord was moving his mind off of himself and onto God. This is what I want to talk about today.
Caught up
I titled this piece “staring” because that’s really what John is talking about. Instead of staring all day at his problem, he began staring at God and God’s promises.
As children, we are taught not to stare at people. I’m not really sure why we are taught that; I guess it makes people nervous. I think it’s kind of funny when little kids stare at me. I take the challenge and stare back. They always win. To stare at someone or something is our way of taking it in fully. It’s very different than a glance. When we stare we study the thing we are staring at. We process it. We think about what we are staring at while we stare. Some things I stare at on occasion are the stars, the ocean, a painting, my beautiful wife.
As we stare at something our heart gets caught up into it. It deepens our affection for the thing. But on the negative side, if we stare at something that we shouldn’t stare at, it can do harm. For example, we shouldn’t stare at the sun, or we could severely damage our vision. Another thing that can really harm us if we stare at it is our problems. When we stare at our problems we make them bigger and bigger. The problems begin to grow inside of us and consume our minds. It can almost take over our lives and beat us down into the ground. It’s very dangerous to stare at our problems.
Troubles
We all have problems, or we could call them “troubles.” Jesus said—promised—“In the world you will have trouble.” Peter said, “Do not think it strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you as though some strange thing were happening.” As children of God, we are not exempt from troubles. John mentioned his stage 4 cancer. He’s also fought a number of other physical issues. I think of some of the troubles Christians have experienced:
Losing a job
Being cheated on by a spouse
Rejection by a friend
Excruciating back pain
Miscarriage
Loss of a loved one
Mental illness
Being bullied by peers
Being slandered
Losing eyesight
Hundreds of other examples could be given but you get the point. In this life we have troubles and we cannot avoid them. Yes, sometimes we bring troubles on ourselves, but often troubles just find us. It’s part of the human experience, and we need to learn what to do when troubles come.
Worry
Let me break this down a little more to make you aware of how it works. When a trouble appears in our life we almost immediately go to work thinking about it—worrying about it. We start asking questions. How did this trouble come about? How could it have been prevented? How long will it be around? How can I get rid of it? How can I avoid this trouble in the future? How could God allow this? How should I pray about it? How will I cope if the trouble doesn’t go away?
Because many of these questions are often very hard to answer, we find ourselves in a state of constant negative meditation or what we call “worry.” The inability to answer these questions can drive us mad. We can’t stop thinking about it all. It churns within us constantly even when doing ordinary activities. We don’t even have to try to do this; it just happens naturally. We stare incessantly at the problems in our life until they produce a certain anguish of mind.
I do want to say here that it’s not wrong to think about your problems. Decisions need to be made about our problems. We do need to think through how to pray. It’s good and godly to take our problems to heart and apply wisdom. That’s not what I’m talking about. The unhealthy staring at our troubles is when we become consumed with worry. We may even fall into fear as we let our minds think of all the worst-case scenarios.
God-gazing
I think most of us are well aware that the Lord calls us not to stare at our troubles but to stare upon Him. The Scriptures tell us to set our minds on things above, to fix our thoughts on Jesus, and to set the Lord continually before us. Here’s what David said in one of the psalms—
One thing have I asked of the LORD, that will I seek after: that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD and to inquire in his temple. Psalm 27:4
David isn’t just talking about having a nice sweet little time gazing upon his Lord when everything is going well in his life. David had troubles! The two verses preceding verse four say this:
When evildoers assail me to eat up my flesh, my adversaries and foes, it is they who stumble and fall. Though an army encamp against me, my heart shall not fear; though war arise against me, yet I will be confident. Psalm 27:2-3
Many of the psalms show this pattern of staring at God amidst troubles. The palmists didn’t pretend the troubles didn’t exist. Not at all. They acknowledged them and poured out their complaints to the Lord. But then they moved toward worship. They set their focus on the glory of God. They redirected their eyes off of problems and onto the goodness of God. They stared hard and long at the beauty, the sovereignty, the holiness, the power, the eternity, the love, and the splendor of the Living God.
Troubles shrink
What happens when we do this is that we become enveloped in the vastness of God. Our vision of God becomes bigger and bigger. And guess what appears smaller and smaller? Our troubles. It doesn’t make the troubles disappear, but it shrinks them down. Even troubles as big as stage 4 cancer can appear small in light of the glory of the presence of the Eternal God. That’s what Paul was saying in these verses—
For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal. 2 Corinthians 4:17-18
For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us. Romans 8:18
Attainable?
As I was thinking about this call to not stare at our troubles but to stare at the glory of God, I felt strong that it could be something that sounds good but isn’t attainable. I think we all know that worry is not productive. Who doesn’t love the song, Don’t Worry Be Happy? Jesus Himself commanded us not to worry. The Scriptures say, “Be anxious for nothing.” And the command, “Do not fear” (I’ve been told) can be found 365 times in the Bible—one for each day. Yeah, we get it—but how in the world do we stop our minds from spiraling into a black hole of worry? Our problem appears like a giant monster. How can we not stare at it?
There is hope.
When we talk about our relationship with God we too often think of it as just a certain time in our busy day that we spend with Him. It may be that early morning block. Or maybe it’s in the evening after dinner. This is great! But that’s only an hour or so in a 24 hour day. I know some of you spend more time a day, but it still leaves 20-23 hours on average that we aren’t praying, reading the Word or writing reflections. It is during those hours, even during the night, that we worry about our troubles. It’s in the back of our mind at work, it’s cycling on repeat as we drive, it’s constantly stirring up it’s foam even when we are socializing with people.
Stopping the worry train
The only way to stop the worry train in its tracks is by becoming aware of every thought that crosses your mind. Because we don’t think of worry or fear as sins we tend to let them run all over our minds freely. Treat them like little demons that have come to burn your house down. Take them captive—every single one of them—and put them in God’s hands.
I think I’ve made the mistake at times of thinking that “facing my fears” meant allowing myself to imagine them fully. Oh man! That’s so unwise. It’s a snare to constantly think of the worst things that might happen. It will affect you mentally and emotionally and spiritually.
Morning till night
My last thought is that we need to throw ourselves into constant meditation on the Lord. When I suggest this to some people I feel like they look at me like I have three heads. Like I’m being a little too extreme. The questions come back at me, “But do we really need to be focused on God all day?” and “Don’t you think that the Lord wants us to focus on other things too?” I’m not at all saying we shouldn’t focus on our children or our work or the road if we are driving. Yes, absolutely. But there’s a way to have the meditation of God on your mind all day.
Some of you might feel daunted by even an hour of staring at the Lord. You might give a little thought to His goodness. Maybe you thank Him for several things. But then what? Let me give you one of the great secrets to musing upon the glory of God from morning till night.
Be curious.
Meditation stream
What I mean by this is that when we allow ourselves to wonder about who God is, it creates a constant stream of meditation within us. Too many Christians make the mistake of oversimplifying everything and locking into a nice little airtight theology. They have an answer for everything. They don’t let themselves think about the mysteries and the aspects of God that don’t fully make sense. But as we allow our hearts to question and wonder, something amazing happens. We find ourselves enveloped in the thought of God. Instead of worrying every spare minute we find our minds thinking about the mysteries of God every spare minute.
There are a lot of things about God that aren’t so easy to comprehend. Why did God create people He knew would reject Him? Do people have freedom of choice or did God predestine everything? Why is there hell? How can a good God allow suffering? Why doesn’t God answer many prayers? If God is merciful why does He pour out wrath and even destroy the earth by flood? You get the point. Think on these things. Let your mind get into detective mode and labor to put the pieces together. Our understanding of God is like a 500,000 piece puzzle—that none of us has completed! Hunger to know Him, and you’ll find your heart enraptured with Him. As your vision of God expands, your troubles will appear smaller and smaller.
Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the wicked, nor stands in the way of sinners, nor sits in the seat of scoffers; but his delight is in the law of the LORD, and on his law he meditates day and night. He is like a tree planted by streams of water that yields its fruit in its season, and its leaf does not wither. In all that he does, he prospers. Psalm 1:1-3