When we talk about the pursuit of “knowing God” I don't think it captures the fullness of the reason for our existence. Knowing makes us think of learning. It conjures the idea of acquiring knowledge about a person, namely, God. Of course, we do want to know all about the person of God. Some have stressed that knowing God isn’t merely academic but that it includes experiencing God. To that I say, “hmm.” I still think that even knowing God in an experiential way is not our supreme purpose.
It’s more than that—we want a relationship with God that could be described as a mutual deep love.
I value and talk much about spiritual encounters with God because I believe they help us to get closer to knowing God as He is in all His holiness and power. But encounters alone—even frequent dramatic encounters with God—do not equate with having a deep, close, loving relationship with the Lord.
How intimacy forms
Just like any relationship, it takes time to come into mutual love and deep intimacy. It is developed over years, decades. But time alone is not enough. We can know someone for twenty years and yet not enjoy a deep relationship with them. It's not just experiencing things together. Two people can experience a lot of things together, but they may not feel close at all. In fact, they may hate one another.
What makes a relationship deep, loving and sweet is the exchange of sacrificial love. And it’s no different in our relationship with the Lord. The way we come into a depth of intimacy with God is by this beautiful exchange of giving and receiving.
Our relationship with God begins with receiving His words, His love, His gift of salvation, His Spirit. At the start of our walk with Christ, it’s all about receiving. It’s like winning the lottery. We are overwhelmed by wave after wave of gifts the Lord lavishes upon us. We have nothing to give in return. We are spiritually poor, needy sinners holding up our empty tin cup. But He adopts us into His family and gives us an inheritance. He gives us a place at His table.
This can be very humbling for people who pride themselves on being independent, but allowing someone to bless us is the beginning of a good relationship.
Enfield
Until I was about ten years old I lived in a very small house in Enfield, Connecticut. My young parents didn't have a lot of money but they would really go all out for Christmas. It wasn't just that they gave me a lot of presents, but they were thoughtful presents. They paid close attention all year long to what I was into and gave gifts tailor-fit to my interests. Often, there were gifts that were beyond what I asked for or imagined. So that required Dad to explain about the gift. And help me know the worth of the thing.
Well, I was far from perfect as a child, but I excelled in receiving. You're probably laughing at my special skill of receiving (go ahead) but stay with me.
Around Thanksgiving each year I started pouring my heart into creating an atmosphere of anticipation about Christmas. This, of course, made the search for good gifts more enjoyable for my parents. On Christmas Eve the excitement was palpable. I could barely sleep. Though my parents weren't thrilled to get up at sunrise, they were always overflowing with joy on Christmas morning—the joy of watching me open everything they prepared for me. All of the time, money and energy they spent thinking about gifts, searching for gifts, purchasing gifts and wrapping gifts was about to pay off. My joy gave them joy.
The joy continued for them as they watched me envelop myself in playing with the Hot Wheels track or the G.I. Joe tower, or the art supplies. They felt joy listening to me tell my relatives what I received for Christmas “show and tell” style. They watched me bring my friends over and make much of the gifts I received.
Do you see how this works? The extravagant generosity of my parents, mixed with my enthusiastic receiving, created a bond. It deepened my relationship with my mom and dad.
Bonding with God
Likewise, in our relationship with the Lord, we bond with Him by receiving the things He has purchased and prepared for us. If I had woken up on Christmas morning annoyed that I had to spend the day with my parents, opening a bunch of stupid gifts, well, I'm sure there would have been no bonding at all. Right?
So, the bonding with God begins by paying attention to what He has for us, understanding the gift of salvation and the price He paid for it. And receiving it all with gratitude and joy. This act of receiving moves the heart of God to joy—Jesus said that all of heaven rejoices when one sinner comes home! This posture of receiving continues throughout our walk with God and is a huge part of deepening intimacy with him.
Mutual deep love
We all know, however, that deep loving relationships need to be more than one doing all the giving and the other all the receiving. Again, relationships start like this. Certainly, the parent-child relationship begins this way. But over time the child begins to reciprocate love. That’s when the relationship takes on a whole new level of depth.
What I’m talking about is mutual love. This is demonstrated perhaps best in a good marriage. The husband and the wife take on a mindset of outdoing one another in love. Each pours out sacrificially to the other, and each graciously receives from the other. When two people wholeheartedly bless each other with kind words, thoughtful gifts, affection, tangible acts of service and steady faithfulness—the relationship takes on depth and beauty.
It is the same with our relationship with God. That's why encounters with God cannot make us intimate with God. They are wonderful in captivating us to devote our all to knowing God, but depth of relationship is the result of day after day mutual love.
Giving to God
All that said, if we want a deep intimate relationship with God, we can't just read books about Him. And we can't just receive blessings from Him. We must give ourselves sacrificially to Him.
Sometimes, certain people are impossible to buy gifts for, right? They already have everything. What do we usually do? We ask them what they want. They might even give us a list. So when giving to God—the Eternal invisible Creator who owns everything and literally does not need anything—what could we possibly give to him?
At first, this idea of giving to God seems abstract, but thankfully, the Lord gives us a lot of ideas on how to bless him. This is where the Word of God serves as a sort of registry, telling us the specific things that we can give to the Lord that He loves. I'm not even going to try to list out all of the things we could give to the Lord that He would be blessed by. But here are a few ideas that come to mind. All these are rooted in Scripture. It would be a good exercise to find a verse to match each.
Quality time
Affection
Service to others
Caring for the poor
Prayers
Financial gifts
Sharing reproach
Obedience in secret
Gratitude
A box of perfume
Resisting temptation
Fasting
Longing
Listening
Forgiving
Loving our enemies
Devotion to the church
Identification with Him
Humility
Contrition
Truth in the inward parts
Hard work
Patience
Faithfulness
Box of perfume?
If “box of perfume” seemed odd when you read it you may just be unfamiliar with the story of Mary. Here’s a snapshot verse:
Mary therefore took a pound of expensive ointment made from pure nard, and anointed the feet of Jesus and wiped his feet with her hair. The house was filled with the fragrance of the perfume. — John 12:3
It is said that the perfume she poured out on Jesus was worth an entire year's wages. Wow! This was extravagant! Why did she do this? There is no Bible verse that says, “If thou possess an expensive box of perfume thou shalt pour it out upon the Savior.” No. She didn’t have to do this—but this is what love does! Love is not interested in doing the minimum. Love looks for ways to go beyond what is required. It’s not that Mary gave Jesus perfume instead of obedience. I’m sure she obeyed and followed faithfully. But she wanted to do something special.
Jesus was so moved by Mary’s gift that He honored her by having her story told millions upon millions of times throughout the world and throughout the centuries. What special thing can you do for Jesus?