Today’s writing is a little different. It’s part prayer and part reflection on the craving of my heart—intimacy with God. The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines the word intimate like this: marked by a warm friendship developing through long association. Keep that definition in mind as you read this raw psalm-like piece today. I intentionally didn’t polish this up so you can see how prayers evolve. Keep in mind that I write my prayers with pen and paper, very slowly. So I muse on each sentence as I’m writing it. In this way there are always unwritten prayers within the written prayers. If that makes sense. I added some Scriptures to reveal the source of some of my prayers.
Heavenly Father,
My heart is set on knowing You (Phil 3). It's the supreme passion of my life (Psalm 27:4). Deepen me. Break me down. Come like a refiner's fire and purify me (Malachi 3). There's a sense that the more I seek You, the more aware I become of my spiritual poverty! Oh dear God draw me near.
Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. — James 4:8
I crave to see Your face but I know You're teaching me to “walk by faith not by sight” (2 Cor 5:7). To commune with You in every landscape (Psalm 62:8). All the variety of life's ups and downs—and plateaus—are integral in giving us understanding of who You are (Rom 8:28). Though You are invisible, I perceive You.
Though you have not seen him, you love him. Though you do not now see him, you believe in him and rejoice with joy that is inexpressible and filled with glory, — 1 Peter 1:8
Our relationship with You is not so different from human relationships. We develop our relationship with a person not by meeting them for 30 minutes each day and rehearsing the same things. Rather, we walk with a person and experience life with them. We even say that certain activities are bonding like camping or fishing or vacations. Our intimacy with a person is the sum of thousands of different moments shared through “long association.” Help me to see You each day and hear Your voice in every circumstance.
I suppose I hold back in my journals—knowing that someone may read them—but may I pour out the depths of my heart in the secret place.
The very essence of our walk with You is to follow. Help me to be sensitive to Your leading. The interplay between seeking You and serving people is delicate. It is not just in the prayer closet that we grow in our relationship with You. It's out in the field and the market. Help me to pay attention to my surroundings and the people you place in my path. Lead me. You say to us, “Come, let's touch this person” or “Let's bring love into that situation.” These are the works of Jesus through us. And we learn so much about Your heart this way.
I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. — Galatians 2:20
Lord draw me close. I do long to see Your face, and to feel Your embrace. I do long to weep before You. To feel Your power stream through me. These things I associate with my greatest moments. But Lord there's so much time in between mountaintops. Help me to walk slowly and softly, teach me to listen, to hear Your “still small voice”, that sweet “low whisper” within me (1 Kings 19:12).
Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them. — Psalm 139:16
Each day is unique. All of them are planned out before any come to pass. Each day is an opportunity to deepen our walk with You and to grow, to bear fruit, to glorify Christ, to serve others. Lord, show me what You are doing today, and each day. So much of this walk of faith happens in obscurity.
Search me. Uproot sin. Expose anything in me I am blind to that needs to be washed. Come like fire and purify me!
This walk of intimacy is not always peaceful and sweet. There are times of stress, anguish, fear, sorrow, confusion, tragedy, temptation, failure and affliction—but the whole orb of life's experiences work together for the good of our relationship with You. All things matter.
They're like ingredients in a complicated recipe. We can't just leave out a spice. It may call for a variety of bitter and sweet flavors put together in a complex perfect balance to make something delicious. In the same way each day has ingredients needed to deepen our relationship with You.
When we appear before You one day we will not be looking at a stranger. We will not flee in terror from the Supreme Being we never knew. We will say, “Abba, Father” (Rom 8). You will be like one we spent our lives as pen pals with and then finally meet. We will stand before the One we poured our hearts out to thousands of times. The One who held us and cared for us every day and led us safely home.
I think of the times I’ve cried really hard in Your arms. These times may be a foretaste of the moment we see Your face in eternity.
They will see his face, and his name will be on their foreheads. — Revelation 22:4
I picture on that Day You pulling us close and holding us tight as we remember all the times You helped us on Earth. I imagine that we will realize in that moment how present and how near—and how involved—You were in our daily lives. I think You will cause us to remember not only the times You lavished us but all the times we did things to love You. We’ll realize You noticed every act of obedience, every thought taken captive and every longing in secret.
Therefore do not pronounce judgment before the time, before the Lord comes, who will bring to light the things now hidden in darkness and will disclose the purposes of the heart. Then each one will receive his commendation from God. — 1 Corinthians 4:5
You will not be a vast eternal stranger. But You will be our Father known and loved. This rest in Your arms is what makes Heaven, Heaven. The essence of Heaven is Jesus. People who don't love or know Christ wouldn't even want to be there. Oh that we would walk intimately with You Father, through the full range of circumstances prepared for us.
As we leave our morning prayer closet we don’t kiss You good-bye as we head out into the day. You go with us in everything we do. Yes! Flow through us today! Let streams of living water flow out from us (John 7) and let our words be life to people. Amen.