The overwhelming majority of secular people who come to faith are invited to church by a friend or family member who is a Christian, and over time, are reconciled to God. Their conversion is usually gradual through many conversations and observations about the faith. They find Jesus is the safe space of a church that gives them room to question and work through their beliefs.
There are exceptions, of course. Some become converted before going to a church. Some become Christians through reading a book or watching a teaching online. I’ve heard of cases where people just started reading the dusty Bible on their shelf that they neglected their whole life and were awakened. But this is not usually how it happens. Most people pass from death to life in the context of a loving church community, just like most babies are born in a hospital. Some are born in the backseat of a car, an elevator, an airplane, but those are exceptions. Most babies are born in a hospital. Most Christians are born in the church.
The process
What usually happens is that as we live our life at work, in the neighborhood, at school, and so on, conversations happen. People watch our lives carefully, if we claim to know Christ. Curiosity sparks. They are interested in what we have. We invite them to a church service, a concert, a small group, or some other type of church gathering. Rarely have I seen a secular person come for the first time and be utterly transformed. It is much more common to see a person morph slowly over time as they marinate in the gospel message through a variety of church gatherings.
If this be true—and it is—then, becoming a church that a secular person feels comfortable in is something we must strive for. If a secular person who is curious about Christianity doesn’t feel safe and at home in the church, then he or she won’t last long. Where should the curious soul go to learn about Jesus? The library? The internet? These may lead to some understanding, but what is needed most is to experience Christ in the context of the church family.
Uncomfortable
This brings us to one of the great challenges to reaching secular people. When they’ve gone to churches in the past, they have often not felt comfortable at all. In America, even atheists end up attending churches occasionally. Everyone goes to weddings and funerals. Even the most secular man might go to the Christmas theatrical because his adorable niece is playing a fluffy angel. Most secular people have gone to more than one church service and have internally concluded that church is not for them. It doesn’t feel comfortable, relevant, or life-giving. The entire culture feels so alien that they can’t even imagine being part of such a community.
This topic always brings up tensions amongst Christians. Some say that we should become more normal and live more like the people we are trying to reach. Others say that we should be very distinct and holy, and that we should preach the undiluted Gospel which alone can save the soul. Do you know who is right? Both. It’s one of the many paradoxes of the faith—we are called to be in the world and yet not of the world. Like Jesus.
Vibe
Think of the times in your life when you were dropped into a new community. Maybe it was a new school you attended or a new job you started. Maybe you moved into a new neighborhood. Maybe you went to summer camp or joined a sports team. Maybe it was a family reunion of someone you were dating. Maybe it was your spouse’s corporate Christmas party. Or a wedding. We’ve all been put into new communities or social situations at times. Sometimes it’s a wonderful experience. And sometimes it’s not.
Why?
Answering the question why some communities feel invigorating and others feel unpleasant, is complex. We can’t point to one single factor. The “vibe” of a community is the sum of thousands of little factors. But there are some obvious explanations.
Ignorant
One reason people feel out of place in a community is that they are so ignorant or inexperienced regarding the thing everyone in the room is into that they feel dumb. For example, if I had a friend with a PhD from MIT who invited me to be his guest at a gala fundraiser with other MIT aerospace engineering graduates, I’m pretty sure I would not feel comfortable. Sometimes people feel culturally out of place. Everyone in the community comes from a rough background but he or she was an only child raised in the suburbs. Everyone in the community is into punk rock and he or she loves country music. You get the idea. We’ve all been in these situations where we don’t feel like we belong.
Now, let’s go back to the idea that secular people most commonly find Christ in a church, so the church needs to be comfortable for them. Everything about the church, especially the preaching of the Gospel, is not going to be comfortable. But the culture must make them feel at home or else they will not stick around.
Your people
If someone asked you, “Who are your people?” what would you say? You know, after you give the spiritual answer of “anyone who loves Jesus.” If we’re honest we feel at home, or not at home, with different types of people—educated, former addicts, artists, suburbanites, city dwellers, vegetarians, meat eaters, food and coffee snobs, Radiohead fans, Taylor Swift fans, football fans, gamers, techies, democrats, republicans, hunters, bunny lovers, and so on. I could keep going on and on.
When a secular person comes into a church he is consciously, or unconsciously, looking around and determining if he belongs. “Are these my people?”, he wonders. I think this is why so many different types of churches are needed. Some churches are filled with farmers and other churches are filled with Wall Street executives. It’s not that different types of people can’t coexist. They can. They do.
If everyone in the church that we attend did not go to college but grew up in a rough urban setting, the man who went to an Ivy League school and grew up in a wealthy suburb—probably isn’t going to feel at home. Again, there are always strange exceptions. But most people do not delve deep into a community that they don’t feel at home in.
Surfer church
Does that mean we should have churches for surfers, and churches for former addicts, and churches for nice suburban families, and churches for the homeless? Should we have churches for the educated wealthy and churches for artists? Should we have churches for blacks and churches for whites? Should we have churches for Republicans and churches for Democrats? Should we have churches for people who have experienced trauma and churches for the mentally ill?
Some church growth “experts” would say that we do need thousands of churches geared to specific demographics, but I’m not convinced that this is what the Lord wants. When you consider the diversity in the first century Church and consider the glimpses of the future Church described in the book of Revelation—we find one beautiful diverse Church!
Remedy
What can we do to solve this problem of secular people coming to our church and never returning because they didn’t feel at home? The beautiful thing about the Church is that there is something much greater than cultural elements that can unite us. If a church is glued together because of a love of sports, a political bent, a style of music, a flavor of dress, a taste for sophistication, then it will only reach people just like them. If Jesus Christ and the glorious Gospel is the central dominant value in the church, then all the other elements become quite secondary.
When Christ becomes the culture, and all the other cultural elements people bring in are muted in comparison, something wonderful happens. Suddenly, a new culture forms that is made up of a wide diversity of cultures. It becomes so diverse that when a secular person first experiences it he or she isn’t sure what to make of it. There are some people in the room he would say are “his people.” But there are others he couldn’t imagine having anything in common with. The whole community appears strange but in a compelling way. It’s like nothing he’s seen. It’s how the world should be, he thinks.
The right church?
What am I trying to say? I know this will be read by people scattered around the country who attend different churches. Here’s the question I want to ask you: Is your church homogenous? I don’t just mean all white, or all black, or whatever. But is everyone the same culturally? Is it a church that you feel confident inviting secular people to? Is Christ and the Gospel the dominant value that binds the community together, or is it some other thing?
These are questions that are important to ask. It is important to go to a church that you feel excited about inviting secular people to. If the overwhelming majority of secular people who find Christ find Him in a church, then—we need to make sure we are in a church that secular people can feel at home in!
I’ve been a part of a lot of churches and have attended countless churches in the last few decades. If I invited a secular friend to some of these churches they would be unmoved and bored. Some churches would make them feel so dumb and uncomfortable that they’d want to crawl out of their skin. But there are some churches that would captivate them.
Before you leave your church abruptly, know that there are no perfect churches. All churches are made of people, and people are sinful. Don’t leave your small church to go to some large megachurch because the production is so tight. It’s not about the fancy building, the state-of-the-art sound system, the musicianship and oratory. The secular person will be impressed for about .01 second by those things. I’m talking about being in a church filled with love where Christ is central. A community of people devoted to Jesus.
Hospitality
I’ll develop this further another week, but I just want to mention the importance of hospitality. Hospitality is about making people feel at home. The sense of connection that people have culturally is shallow and fragile. Common cultural elements pale in comparison to God’s love in unifying people. Let’s strive to show extraordinary hospitality to people who step foot in our churches. Be the sort of church that secular people feel at home in.