Do all things without grumbling or disputing, that you may be blameless and innocent, children of God without blemish in the midst of a crooked and twisted generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world. Philippians 2:14-15
It’s Christmas week, and most of us will be around people more than usual. We will be in stores interacting with cashiers and customers. We will be amongst family or friends at various gatherings. We will be in markets getting holiday food. We may have interactions with neighbors. It’s the season to be around people.
In case you haven’t noticed, not everyone exudes Christmas cheer. It seems obvious that a growing number of people hate Christmas as much as the Grinch. People cut in lines, dispute about prices, drive selfishly, and whine about everything they can think of that they don’t like about Christmas. When I hear that familiar song from the Charlie Brown Christmas soundtrack that starts out, “Christmastime is here, happiness and cheer…”—it makes me sad that the experience of Christmas in our culture has become so negative.
Grumblers
Grumbling has become commonplace. The word grumble means this: “to complain about something in a bad-tempered way.” Other similar words are: moan, mutter, whine, bleat, bellyache, gripe, murmur, and squawk.
Maybe you’re different, but I find it natural and easy to grumble. Usually, we fall into whining like a child when we become annoyed at how something affects us. It may be an unexpected bill or something being more expensive than we thought it would be. It may be something that taxes our limited time or creates more work for us. It may be the sloppiness of a coworker that now creates a mess for us to deal with. We all have our share of opportunities to gripe about things. The feeling is—“How dare these things happen to me!” We act like we are kings and queens that all people everywhere should bow to and serve.
Good attitude
In the verse above, we are encouraged to not get caught up in grumbling and disputing. We are called to do all things—shop, cook, host, change sheets, wait in lines, clean dog accidents, sit in traffic, wrap presents, work overtime—without grumbling or complaining. In other words, we are to do everything with a good attitude. We are called to be different. We are to be “blameless and innocent, children without blemish.”
I like the NIV version of this verse that says: “Then you will shine among them like stars in the sky.” The stars of the night sky are contrasted with the dark backdrop. They stand out. If you live in a city, the city lights diminish the blackness of the sky which has a muting effect on the brightness of the stars. But go up into rural northern Maine and the stars shine brightly against the intense blackness of the night sky. When we are overflowing with love and joy in a society steeped in negativity—we shine like stars. Stars are beautiful. They are pleasing to look at. You notice them. That’s us. Stars.
Why this matters
Having an attitude of love and joy isn’t just a nice little extra feature to help us in our mission to spread Christ. It is absolutely essential. If we join the parade of whiners, we void out the very message we preach. What is our message? It’s that God has come into the world to pay for our sins and give us a new life of love and joy through the Holy Spirit. If we are rude and miserable people, our message will not be taken seriously at all.
This spiritual principle isn’t so surprising since it’s how things work in natural matters. If a man, for example, who is clothed in dirty, stinky clothes tells us about a wonderful new laundry detergent he discovered—how would we react? We’d think he wasn’t very self-aware. We would make a note to definitely not use the detergent he told us about. Or how about a neighbor whose front lawn looks like a mix of dirt and weeds that excitedly tells us about the great lawn company he’s used for years. What would you think? You’d wonder if the neighbor is blind. Or, how about a young lady who is a terrible driver who testifies about the amazing driving school she attended. In each situation, we wouldn’t be able to help looking at the person like they’re a little crazy, right?
Dissonance
This is exactly what we do as Christians when we are rude and grumbly but then enthusiastically tell people about the life-transforming message of the gospel. It creates dissonance. Consider the definition of this word dissonance: “A tension or clash resulting from the combination of two disharmonious or unsuitable elements.” Being a crank but then sharing Jesus has this exact effect. 1 Corinthians 13 says that without love we are clanging cymbals. It is a humorous way of saying that our lack of love will make our words come across like a smashing annoying cymbal in someone’s face. It’s not just that the lack of love causes our message to not be heard—but it makes the message grating to people.
Imagine if we took a survey of a thousand unchurched people who feel strongly that they want nothing to do with church and asked them, “Why are you so uninterested in attending a church?” I’m confident that the #1 answer to that question would be this: “Christians are hypocrites.” Now, I know that sometimes secular people are being unfair or they have been swayed by propaganda that Christians are hypocrites. There is, however, some serious validity to their criticism. Hypocrisy amongst Christians in our day is a massive problem that causes unbelievers to not take the message of Christians seriously. In fact, hypocrisy has caused unchurched people to blaspheme (2 Pet 2).
Perhaps because rudeness and miserableness are so widespread in our world, we don’t think much about it when we follow suit. But the mission of Jesus is at stake. We can have all Bible knowledge, be gifted orators, have innovative ministry ideas, raise millions of dollars for mission endeavors, but—without a sweet spirit, it’s all in vain.
What can we do?
Maybe you admit that you’ve allowed yourself to fall into being cranky and whiny in your interactions with people. It’s not so easy to stop having a bad attitude, and put on a good one. The roots of our negativity can go down really deep. What can we do? With a good effort of the will we can usually put on a good act of love and joy. You know what I mean: inside we feel annoyed with people and miserable, but outwardly we try to act loving and joyful. The problem with this is that it’s exhausting to pretend. And, it’s only a matter of time that our true colors will seep out. We need a solution that’s less fragile and more sustainable.
Before I lead you to the remedy I want to encourage you not to think that honesty about being cranky and rude will somehow cause unchurched people to view our message as credible. Sure, to admit that we have a bad attitude will likely prevent them from labeling us a hypocrite, but our deficiency of love and joy will most certainly still create that dissonance that pushes them away from Christ.
Also, if you are a Christian grumbler and realize it’ll come off negative to try to share the gospel with people, don’t just decide to keep to yourself. That’s not an option for us since part of our identity as Christians is that we are messengers of the gospel.
Renewal
The only real remedy for a hard heart is to come humbly to God and ask Him to renew us. Life has a way, over time, of causing our hearts to get cold. It’s usually not one big thing that happens to us but thousands of little things: an experience of betrayal, being left out, road rage directed at us, a rude comment someone makes, an injustice at work, and so on. These experiences create calluses on the heart. We wake up one day and realize—“Man! I am miserable, and I don’t like people very much.”
The only way out of this icy condition is to throw yourself before the Lord—and beg for a fresh touch! Rend your heart before Him. Confess your need. In due time, He will send His transforming power to change you from the inside out.
Sow for yourselves righteousness; reap steadfast love; break up your fallow ground, for it is the time to seek the LORD, that he may come and rain righteousness upon you. Hosea 10:12
Little by little
I wish I could tell you that I’ve figured out a way to prevent myself from allowing experiences in life to diminish my love and joy. I’m ashamed to say that I have found myself repeatedly in a place of needing spiritual renewal. Because I’ve been a Christian for so long (almost 33 years) I have learned to keep my mouth shut—and even hide—when my heart feels cold. It’s pathetic, really. But in my hiding I do the only thing I know to do—I start groaning to God for a fresh touch. The answer doesn’t come instantly. God has His reasons I’m sure, but it seems like the process of softening takes time. It’s little by little with an occasional shower that dramatically softens the ground. If you are ending this year with a sigh over your lack of love and joy, come to Him as you did in the beginning. God is the ultimate source of love and joy. He will give these good gifts to those who ask. He desires all of His children to shine like stars.
And those who are wise shall shine like the brightness of the sky above; and those who turn many to righteousness, like the stars forever and ever. Daniel 12:3