First off, hallelujah it’s day 100! Our guest note on this last day is from Ashley who is a lovely young woman who attends our church and is also a friend to our family. Ashley is one of the most generous people I know. She’s known in our community for serving and especially for making delicious cookies. Here’s what she shared.
Back at the start of the pandemic in March 2020, if you had asked me how I was doing, I probably responded, “Pretty well. Thank you.” After all, I baked banana bread and cookies for my housemates, taught three classes on Zoom, and did a home workout on the porch. These activities kept me going for a while but by the time December arrived, I found myself profoundly unhappy. I wasn’t supposed to feel that way. What was wrong with me?
Then on Christmas I read Pastor Scott’s email and this feeling of hopelessness seemed to suck the little life I had left out of me. I felt like I had already failed before the 100 Days of Pursuit started. This bothered me.
The darkest valley I have walked through followed May 25, 2016 when my friend Ellynn was killed by a drunk driver. I remember the immediate feeling of pain and darkness. The seasons that followed, I battled crippling anxiety and grief. The second layer of my worst fear was that I wouldn’t have enough faith to endure. I so desperately wanted to make sense of what happened. Yet it was in these moments I became aware of how desperately I needed God, and only the grace of God could comfort me in the sorrow.
I'm writing from my porch which is across from my favorite brunch spot in town. I can see the cozy inside and the faint glistening string lights reflecting from the window where I once used to sit, dine, laugh and have deep conversations with friends and family. Looking out into the rain, I kind of want to abandon this chilly metal chair. Sometimes it's hard to feel so close to something good that is coming and yet be still so far away. But the day of joyous reunion of being together is coming.
The 100 Day letters have been life-giving for my weary soul. It’s good to be reminded to keep walking and not dread the challenging seasons of life. Our God will sustain us; He leads us beside still waters, He draws us near into deep communion with Him and drenches our hearts with eternal joy.
For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison … 2 Corinthians 4:17
In seasons where everything else appears lost, as the Day 1 letter encouraged, may we open the door (Rev 3:20) and “keep at it.”
Thank you !!!
Thank you Ashley for this heartfelt note. And thank you to everyone who came on this journey with me. I want to thank Katherine who is on my staff as CityLove director. Every night I sent her what I wrote at 9 pm (or later), she proofread the piece, picked a photograph, formatted and scheduled it to go out at 4 am. She was so reliable and amazing through all of this. I especially want to thank my dear wife who cheered me on throughout the 100 days and served me in so many helpful ways. I also want to thank Mary Ann Manzo and Liz Milton for sending multiple very timely extravagant encouragements. And all the other notes many of you sent. It kept me going.
As I shared at the beginning, I was planning on just having my own little private 100 day pursuit. It seems clear now that it was the Lord prompting me to include others. I commend you all for sticking with it to the end.
What I learned
Through these 100 days I’ve learned to trust in the Lord more fully. Coming up with fresh content daily I knew would be a challenge for me, if not impossible, but the Lord assured me that He never runs dry. There were many days when I was fatigued, ill, dealing with a crisis, or crunched for time. But as I sat down to write each day, the words would pour out as if coming from a Hidden Spring.
This dependence upon the Lord isn’t a new concept for me, but it was taken to a new level. Having to preach almost weekly despite what I’m going through has always taught me dependence. There have been times before preaching when I was emotionally bleeding, feeling distant from the Lord, or suffering any number of physical afflictions. I used to have terrible IBS and cannot even tell you how many times I’d be utterly sick in the bathroom minutes before stepping out to preach. Okay, maybe that’s too much information :) My wife always says, “You seem to preach your best sermons when you are most afflicted.”
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong. 2 Corinthians 12:9-10
I hope that we all are learning this glorious truth that our God can be depended on. Too often we avoid certain things because we feel insufficient. Things we avoid might be as simple as praying out loud at a prayer meeting. It could be starting our own business or applying for a certain job. It could be teaching a class in our church or leading a small group. It’s true that we are insufficient for these things. But God will give us what we need!
Not that we are sufficient in ourselves to claim anything as coming from us, but our sufficiency is from God … 2 Corinthians 3:5
Book idea
Because so many of you encouraged me to put these daily writings into print, I’m going to work on that this summer. It’s been on my heart for years to write a book, but I guess I’ve been waiting to accomplish something spectacular. The Lord pretty much rebuked me saying, in essence, “Is it not spectacular to have a close relationship with Me?” I’ve learned a lot through the years about knowing God intimately, and I’m eager to share what I’ve learned to help others.
The idea on the table is to do self-publishing. What I’m learning is that the traditional publishing process is very slow. But perhaps I can start with self-publishing and then pursue traditional publishing later. I’ll be reworking the daily content from the last 100 days. It’s pretty unpolished since most days I just started writing and then afterward spent about 30 minutes editing.
I’ll be putting together a team of people to help (May-Aug) refine grammar, structure, readability, relevance, theology, and so on. If anyone has a strong interest in helping—let me know. I’m thinking of making the book 100 chapters but I’m wondering if the book would be too fat ha!
To add some charm I’m going to make the book a family project. My wife is a photographer, my oldest daughter is a graphic designer and my youngest daughter is an architect. My girls are both excellent illustrators and painters, as well. They are also skilled at book layout. So the cover design, photography, illustrations, layout, and writing will all be an Axtmann family labor of love. I’m looking forward to doing this with them.
My hope is to have this completed by the Fall or at least before Christmas. I’ll be sure to send an email out to everyone to let you know when it is completed.
In the meantime, we will store all the 100 Day Pursuit content on the Renaissance Church website so you can access it anytime. On the homepage just click the banner that says “100 Days of Pursuit.”
40 Weeks of Mission
Starting next week I’m going to launch a brand new initiative called “40 Weeks of Mission” which will take us to the start of January. This will be one letter a week that will aim to help you to display God’s love in creative effective ways to those around you. This is sort of the other side of the pursuit of God. We are called to know God and make Him known; to love God and love people. These are like the two wings of a bird. If we are all prayer, or all mission, then we will be like a bird with only one wing that cannot fly.
As followers of Jesus who have been so lavished with the goodness and grace of God, we long to share it with others. That’s what these writings will be about. I have so many stories of mission to share! I’ll be using this content as my essential teaching at our Tuesday prayer gatherings for the church. Then, I’ll send it out Wednesdays in written form. I’m only going to send these to those who subscribe.
Write me
Lastly, I would love to hear from you about how these daily writings have helped you in your relationship with God. Many have written already—thank you! But I’d love to hear from those of you who have not written. Was this helpful? How could I make them better in the future? Was the content too much? Or too little? Was the language relevant enough or was it over your head at times?
I love you all.
Keep at it.
The end.
— Scott A